Augustus Crimmond, our roving food correspondent in the British Isles continues his quest for quality vegetarian food.
Upon visiting the high street of a town that should remain nameless I was struck by how much easier it should be to procure something hot, edible and importantly meat-free. For many reasons in this part of the world finding vegetarian food can be challenging so here are a couple of thoughts about the current situation and what might be done about it.
Institutionalised meat eating is a recent phenomenon. Aeons ago some bright spark realised that your average animal is unlikely to hang around long enough to be eaten and, fun though it may be, chasing through the undergrowth after some unfortunate creature is neither big nor clever and best left to carnivores.
If you eliminated the running-round-after-stuff you had two options. You could either migrate to where plants are in season; or for the stay-at-home type there was the chance to develop agriculture, preserving techniques and making best use of what’s available. Over the years this group have developed skills with grains and grapes, a discussion for another time.
Things were going relatively well before the small matter of industrialisation. Whole populations were chucked off their land in favour of livestock and encouraged to huddle together in miserable conditions subsisting on spam and bovril.
More recently some balance has been regained but those years are still indelibly stamped on the modern high street. In the interests of research your correspondent visited a popular baking establishment in search of elevenses. The encounter proceeded along the normal lines:
“Good Morning, Mr Crimmond. What can we get you today?”
“Good Day. What do you have that is both hot, edible and does not include meat?” (A long, meaningful pause ensues while the baker’s assistant contemplates this culturally difficult request before scanning past the rows of grey meat pies to a sorry, forgotten corner of the cabinet.)
“Well – we’ve got quiche.”
It will not be the first time that I have reminded them that this could only on a very loose definition be thought to be vegetarian and in any case is full of ham. At least they tried.
“Never mind, shortbread it is.” The importance of biscuits in such moments of duress is not to be underestimated. In particular, shortbread will get you through situations where Kendal Mint Cake will barely suffice.
Astute readers will point out that it is unwise to rely on such emporia and that Crimmond should have been better prepared with a packed lunch, preferably cooked from scratch. You would be quite right. Cooking from scratch is more fun, tastes better and will DO YOU GOOD. All very true but at short notice this is not a climate well suited to alfresco cuisine and on-street emulations of the late Mr Keith Floyd are frowned upon by the authorities.
The point is – restaurants, cafes and bakeries can all lack imagination when catering for the non-carnivorous. Some manage brilliantly but alas they are in the minority. So it is up to us, the discerning public to let them know whether they are doing a good job or not; to question why they have only a single meatless dish on their menu and why it has such a strong resemblance to an item available pre-prepared for boiling in a bag. It’s up to us for it will improve the casual culinary experience for everyone.
- Augustus Crimmond
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